Overdose, Regret, The Drip, CAMHS, Discharged.

I planned a suicide attempt, but I did it 2 days earlier because of a little argument. I was feeling low as it was, like my life had no meaning, what was the point in fighting when I was getting nowhere as it is? I didn't want to live my life like this forever, so I took an overdose on paracetamol, ibuprofen and prescribed sleeping tablets. 
I stayed in my room for a while and all of a sudden my eyes went black and I kept having these weird flashbacks of me as a baby, a child, a teen and so on.. The good memories, the bad memories, the people who I had, the things that made me well.. "me", and that's when I realized I probably made a huge mistake. I was using a permanent decision for temporary problems.
I went downstairs and told my Mum what I did, I told her I was sorry but she was so angry with me. She didn't even believe I did it. She was accusing me of lying and we didn't even leave to go to the hospital until I actually collapsed. My heart was beating rapidly, I couldn't breathe properly and was going into some fit thing, so my mum rang an ambulance and I was rushed there with the sirens on and everything! I remember sat there thinking "what have I done? I thought by killing myself I would be making people happier, but infact it's making them scared and upset". 
When I got to the hospital I was immediatly directed to the childrens ward, they had to check my blood samples to check if everything was ok, but it turned out that I had damaged one of my kidneys, I was put on the drip and had this injection thing in my hand which was extremely painful! When they was putting it in I had to have a nurse in the room as well as a doctor to distract me! 
The next day I was up at 5:30am! Just couldn't sleep whatsoever.. I was waiting for my Dad to come at 9, it was so boring.. I mean SO boring!! My Mum actually came before my Dad and that's when we found out that CAMHS were coming at 9:45 so we just sat and waited until then. They was late, which was how I knew it was my Mental Health Nurse, Emma, who I was hoping it wouldn't be. I really dislike her with a passion, she never listens to what I think, always what she thinks. Anyway, 10am she arrived and we had to go down to the "CAMHS room" at the hospital, as they call it. We talked with both my Mum and Dad in the room, it was so awkward to see them both in the same room, they completely avoided each other. She was talking how she thought hospitalization would be good for me, a chance to get back on my feet, but I declined her offer. If I went in hospital, it wouldn't make me better, it would make me worse. I know it would because it has in the past, I get to used to the safety and when it's time to leave, I just want to go back to a secured environment again. Anyway, after a lot of chatting about shit that really doesn't matter, my Mum brought up the topic of Medication. Everytime I bring it up, she never listens to me. Ever! But she did listen to my Mum, and I was so happy. I have an appointment on Monday with Emma and my Psychiatrist; Dr. Elliott to be assessed for Prozac, which is an anti-depressant. Also, I have been offered DBT at the inpatient hospital in Chester I went to a while back, called Pine Lodge, they think it would be really useful for my recovery, so my Mum is speaking to her manager at work to see if she can get "Carers Leave" so she can take me weekly. Anyway, after that little chat with CAMHS my Dad being.. Dad just went home, and I was discharged from the hospital:)
When I got home, I was ever so drowsy but my Mum still made me clean my room out with her. We had to remove all sharp objects, all tablets I had stored in my room. And we have a new rule which is I'm not allowed to bring any glasses upstairs, only plastic beakers. I feel like a five year old, but I know it's for my own good really. Yesterday I got home at about 11 and was busy until 3! When I got home I went straight to bed, woke up at 7.. And back to bed again half10! The past 2 days have been so hectic, but they have just made me realize what I would have lost. I was so lucky. 
I admit, I still have those feelings now, I really don't want to be here, but I know I just have to push through these hard times. You have to go through hard to get to good. I want to take this time to thank all the amazing people I have in my life.. Especially Emmy, Ellie and Kimm. These girls are my life, my sexy Nottzz girlies! And although were all struggeling, we are always there to guide one another through those tough times! Love you guys heaps. <3<3<3