"As much as I hate it I love it."

I knew it. I knew I had it coming and as much as I hate it I love it. I am the old me again, I am back to the "sick girl". To be honest I knew it was going to happen, happiness + me = never. Maybe I was happy for those few months but I knew it wasn't going to last. And the worst part of it all is that I'm not worse because I left you, I left you because I was getting worse. I was scared of you seeing this, the "old" me, because nobody has ever seen this person before and it wasn't about to start now. I lied, I told you I left you for other reasons when really its pretty obvious why, you said I changed, this is why. You said I was acting different, THIS IS WHY! I'm falling but you didn't realise, nobody ever does. Now I'm just back to the old me. Me, loneliness and razor blades but like I said before, as much as I hate it I love it.