I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut. My weakness is: That I care too much.

Tomorrow I have the decision to lie to you, or tell you everything. I have the decision to risk being sent to hospital, or secretly strugge. Everything is in my hands, it's all down to me. And you know what? I don't know what to do. I haven't got a clue. Maybe it's because I want to die? Because if you think about it, if I tell you my feelings, my thoughts, and for the first time in your life you do something about it; I can't control them anymore. I can't do what I'm being told constantly day in, day out to do. What is hospital going to do? Really? They can't control my thoughts, nobody can. How is someone supposed to understand me, and my issues when I barely understand them myself? I just can't deal with this, or anything in that matter, anymore. I want to give up, but I know I can't and thats what hurts the most.