Well, I think I have a right to say I'm proud of myself tonight. For the first time since November I smacked Anxiety right down in the fucking face! I went out with my friends not for half an hour, not for one hour, but for 5 and a half hours! It dragged, of course it did, but I still had fun. At first I wasn't that chatty but I soon lightened up and began to act myself. I really do think CAMHS is helping in some way, I had so much fun tonight, probably the most fun I've had in a while now. I'm so happy I'm finally letting recovery be a part of my life, I remember this time last year when I refused it, I denied having mental health problems and told myself it wasn't me with the problems, it was everyone else but now I'm finally realising I do need help and the only way things are going to get better is if I let it, so here I am, finally letting recovery enter my life. And you know what? I think with a bit of effort, somehow things may get better. How? I have no idea, but part of me is telling me this is not the end and theirs more to life than Anxiety, Depression, ED and Self harm, and I love that voice in my head telling me that!
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