Right now I'm feeling pretty down about everything. My relationship with my parents, scars and cuts on my arms, my body. I just don't understand why I cut, whats it achieving? Nothing. But still, that doesn't stop me from doing it, and it won't. You see, at the time... It seems like the right thing to do, the only way I can stay together. At that moment in time, it feels like if I don't cut, I will die. I'm not afraid to die, I'm not afraid to kill myself not at all. The only thing that scares me is how upset people would be, how let down my niece and nephews would be. I wouldn't be their to watch them grow up and have a family of their own and thats one thing I want to happen no matter what. But thats where the self harm comes in, at the time, I have no control. To me it seems like cutting will always be a part of me because no matter how hard I try I always find myself being silly and doing it. I want to stop, but I don't know how and I don't think I ever will.
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