Faiillluurrreeeeee

I failed life, and I failed my own suicide. Hello, hospital. It's so lovely to see you again.

She promised herself this: when she got back home, when she was alone, she would draw the razor more deeply across her arm.

I wrote you a poem on my wrists. I used a razor as a pen and I signed my name in blood. But you wouldn’t read it.

"As much as I hate it I love it."

I knew it. I knew I had it coming and as much as I hate it I love it. I am the old me again, I am back to the "sick girl". To be honest I knew it was going to happen, happiness + me = never. Maybe I was happy for those few months but I knew it wasn't going to last. And the worst part of it all is that I'm not worse because I left you, I left you because I was getting worse. I was scared of you seeing this, the "old" me, because nobody has ever seen this person before and it wasn't about to start now. I lied, I told you I left you for other reasons when really its pretty obvious why, you said I changed, this is why. You said I was acting different, THIS IS WHY! I'm falling but you didn't realise, nobody ever does. Now I'm just back to the old me. Me, loneliness and razor blades but like I said before, as much as I hate it I love it. 

It just hurts, thats all..

Why am I fighting to live, if I am just living to fight? Why am I trying to see, when there isn't anything in sight? Why am I trying to give, when nobody gives me a try? Why am I dying to live, if I am just living to die?

Just because you lose the battle, it doesn't mean you lose the war. x

Never sell yourself short because of the things you've been through; you could be playing a key role in someones life as you inspire them with your story <3

'Cause all of the stars have faded away just try not to worry, you'll see them some day. Just take what you need and be on your way and stop, crying your heart out...

I know I did the right thing but why does it feel so wrong? Walking away from you was the wisest decision I made, but why does it feel so bad? I know I did good, but all I feel is hurt and regret. Maybe it's because I'm jealous.. I'm jealous because I know you will move on probably over the space of 24 hours. You tell me "your never going to get over me" and "you love me more than I could ever imagine, without me you are nothing" but who am I kidding? You probably chat the same shit to all girls. I love you and I wish this didn't have to be but it did, and I'm just going to have to learn from my mistakes. But out of all of it I can say I learnt something. I fell in love, for the first time in my life. I learnt to love which I never had the confidence to do in the past. Maybe I won't do it for a while now, but I can still say that I've done it and felt the mixture of emotions most girls have. So, thank you.